I think I forgot where I put my copy of “ALIENS: The Director’s Cut”.

I think it’s in my bedroom.

It has to be in my bedroom.

I’ll go watch it there, and hug my Rarity doll, and then get a very good sleep.

I’m never watching that movie again. No.

Seeee-ooh, pretty colors.

I think I…I need to lay down and let my heal to brain-I mean, let my brain to heal, or what’s left of it after watching this atrocity of a sub-product of a “movie”. I think the drill to my forehead hurt a lot less than watching this.

Seriously though, there are different kinds of bad. There is insulting bad, there is funny bad, there is awesome bad, and then there is boring bad. This movie is boring bad. It’s only an hour and a half long, but it felt like a year. The animation is awful, nearly non-existent. The voice acting is horrible. There is no comedy. There is no sense of quality. And the fact that this movie was budgeted on sixty five million dollars infuriates me to no end. Sharknado was bad, yes, but that movie had a budget of a quarter of a million. How do you waste all that money on something so awful!?

And now, if you excuse me, I need an aspirin. A really big aspirin.

You can throw me all the horrible movies you can think of, I will not stop doing what I am best at.

My job has me enduring some of the most manure-filled pieces of cinematic filth in history, but there are always gems, good films, that make life worth living, and that restore my faith in cinema as a for of artistic expression.

It doesn’t matter how bad the movie is, I will still stand.

And now I need an aspirin, and some bed rest. That cider was stronger than usual.


Nope, nope, nope.

That’s it.

I’m done.

Fillies and Colts, we have found the limit of cinema as a form of artistic expression.

I need a drink. I hope Bucket refilled the cider barrels.

Movie Slate: “No Discord, you got it wrong! This is the right one!”

Discord: Wait a minute! That’s the right flag? Like, for real the right one!?

Movie Slate: Well, yes. What’s wrong with it?

Discord: Well, I thought my meanness knew no bounds, but even for me that flag’s design is going a little too far.

Seriously though, I think this movie is really memorable, incredibly well acted, very well directed, and it looks amazing. But it’s weird how every now and then there will be a silly scene sneaking in between war heavy dialogues, endless speeches, and battle scenes. I know they are going with the idea of making Patton a sympathetic human being, but sometimes it gets needlessly (and unintentionally) funny.

One thing to point about this movie though, do you remember the iconic scene where General S. Patton is standing in front of a massive American flag? Well, that flag was made, stitch by stitch, by Spanish production designer Gil Parrondo. It was so good and such a strong image that it earned him an Academy Award, becoming the first Spaniard to ever win an Oscar.

And now, if you excuse me, I have to go fireproof the roof. Your fireworks last year were so spectacular they almost set my own world on fire. Happy Independence Day to my dear American followers!